


Hidden In The Shadows

by flipflop_diva



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Spoilers, Backstory, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Minor Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Minor Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, Natasha Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Protective Steve, Red Room, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-22 15:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4840811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/pseuds/flipflop_diva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't like Steve expected Natasha and Bucky to become BFFs overnight. But he didn't expect her to start avoiding them altogether either. But sometimes, the path to healing twists in unexpected ways. (Set post-AoU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hidden In The Shadows

**Author's Note:**

  * For [geckoholic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/geckoholic/gifts).



> To geckoholic, thank you for your amazing prompts and likes! I tried really hard to incorporate a few of them for you (although I did start off intending to write you a Bucky/Nat fic but that so did not happen). I hope you enjoy!

For the fourth night in a row, Natasha didn’t appear. Steve rubbed the bridge of his nose and looked helplessly at Sam.

“Just talk to her,” Sam said, just as he’d said the past two nights.

“It’s not that simple,” Steve answered. After all, it was hard to talk to someone who was obviously going out of her way to avoid having to be alone with him. 

“She shows up to training,” Sam said, like it really was just that simple. “And last time I checked, you were faster than her.”

If Steve were the type of person to roll his eyes, he would have done so at that. “So you think the best way to get her to talk to me is to chase her down until she can’t get away?”

“Okay,” Sam admitted. “There’s a little flaw in that plan.”

“You think?”

“But you’re the team leader, right? And she’s your second? She’s got to talk to you at some point. I’m not saying chase her down and beat her with your shield if she doesn’t, but you don’t have to let her walk away either. If something’s wrong, shouldn’t we be trying to help her?”

Steve sighed. “Of course.”

“Then help her, man.” Sam smiled, leaning over to rub Steve’s head affectionately. “After all, that’s what you do best.”

•••

He decided to take Sam’s advice after all. There really was no way around it. They couldn’t exactly train a new team, or do anything else, if she was going to keep disappearing every time the conversation turned to something that wasn’t completely business related.

The most unnerving part of the whole thing, though, was that he hadn’t actually expected it to be like this. He wasn’t sure what exactly he had expected it to be like, but it sure wasn’t this. Natasha had always been there for him in the past. She was the one who first gave Steve the file on Bucky. She was the one who showed up at random moments in the months that followed to give him more tips. Even when they first moved into the bunker and began training the new team, she was the one who would stay up with him after Sam fell asleep and help him track down lead after lead after lead.

Even the first couple weeks after he and Sam had found Bucky and brought him in, she had seemed fine. Steve was certain she was genuinely happy for him. Sure, now that he thought about it, he realized she had made sure to never be alone with Bucky, but that wasn’t really surprising either. She didn’t know him, except for as the Winter Soldier, and that man had tried to kill her, and had actually shot her, twice. She didn’t know _Bucky_ or have any idea of who he used to be. She just knew a cold-blooded killer, who, by all accounts, was stronger and faster and even deadlier than she was. Of course, Steve didn’t expect her to hold his hand and be his best friend.

But somewhere, almost overnight it felt like, she went from asking Steve and Sam how Bucky was and offering to bring him soup and blankets to suddenly practically running away every time the conversation turned to him. And now, she just seemed to be avoiding them all entirely. Steve wasn’t actually sure she was hanging out with any of the others either. He never saw her with Wanda, Vision or Rhodey, and even Maria had asked him the other day if Natasha was okay, because she hadn’t talked to her in awhile. 

Now Steve was worried. He didn’t think it was anything personal, but it wasn’t like Natasha to avoid them. Normally, when she wasn’t happy with something, she let Steve know. He was beginning to wish she would just do that now.

He cornered her after training the next day. “Natasha, we need to talk.” She looked like she was going to argue, but he grabbed her upper arm to keep her from running. Not tight enough to keep her in place if she really wanted to bolt, but enough to let her know he was serious. Her eyes narrowed at him, but then she just shrugged. 

The others were filing out. Steve waited until they had gone and then let go of her arm. Quickly, he slid his fingers in between hers and gripped her hand. She stared at him in surprise.

“Just come with me,” he said.

He led her down the hall to the stairs and then up to the roof, to his favorite spot in their new locale. He liked coming up here to think. It was quiet, and the world around them — with the huge towering trees and the sounds of birds chirping in the background — was beautiful, but he also knew no one else would disturb them, and no one would overhear them either.

He waited until she was sitting next to him, their legs hanging over the side of the building, before he let go of her hand, finally sure she was indeed going to stay with him.

“Okay,” he said quietly. “It’s just you and me. Talk to me. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

Natasha didn’t look at him. She was staring off into the opposite direction so all Steve could see was the back of her head. Her red curls were damp from sweat and sticking to her neck. He could see a bruise peeking out of the back of her uniform, and he found himself wondering where it had come from.

It took her a few moments to answer, but when she did, her voice was flat, almost tired sounding. “I’m fine, Steve.”

He nudged her in the side. “You’re a horrible liar, Romanoff.”

She turned her head at that, her eyes narrowing, but then the corner of her lips turned up. For a split second, it was almost like nothing was wrong, and she was still the woman who teased him about being a fossil and snuck into his and Sam’s room to sleep smack in the middle of them, even when she darn well knew she was interrupting, because she claimed she was cold and Steve was a better furnace than anything else.

But then her smile disappeared, and something unreadable flickered across her face. He reached for her hand again, this time not to keep her from leaving but to let her know he was there.

“Just tell me, Nat.”

She turned away from him again and shook her head, making her curls bounce softly. 

He took a deep breath, pondering his next words, half afraid to upset her but half afraid she’d never tell him if he didn’t push.

“Are you afraid of him? Of Bucky? Is that what this is about?”

She tensed, just slightly, but enough that he noticed. He knew what to look for now. The slight tension in her shoulders, the barely perceptible flicker of her fingers.

She still didn’t look at him when she answered. “Not how you think.”

Steve frowned. “And what do I think?”

“That I think he’s going to hurt me.” She turned her head again, so Steve could see her smile. It was a sad one, and she looked almost pained. “I don’t. I know you and Sam wouldn’t let him hurt me. And I can hold my own.”

“Yes, you can,” Steve said, then added, “So you’re not scared of that, but you are scared of something?”

“Not scared exactly.”

“How not exactly?”

Steve watched as Natasha took a deep mouthful of air. She looked like she was trying to figure out the right words. 

“You ever look at someone,” she said slowly, “and see parts of yourself you wish you didn’t?”

Steve let her words sink in, trying to unravel the mystery of what she wasn’t saying. And then it clicked. Slammed into place like the last missing piece of a jigsaw.

“He reminds you of your past.” It wasn’t a question. She nodded anyway, though, just barely, but he knew he was right. Looking at Bucky took her back to a place she didn’t want to go, a place she had been fighting for years to forget about.

Then he frowned, as something else poked out his memories — _A Soviet slug, no rifling._

Something akin to horror settled in the pit of his stomach. “Tell me you didn’t know him,” he breathed. “Before. Tell me you didn’t.”

Natasha frowned at him. “What?”

“The Winter Soldier. Did you _know_ him? Before?”

She was still frowning at him, and then her eyes widened as comprehension dawned. “No!” she said quickly. “No. Not until Odessa, like I told you.” She paused. “I mean, I knew _of_ him. We all did. They taught us about him.” She didn’t clarify what they she was talking about, but she didn’t need to. “But I never met him. Not before that day.”

Steve let out a sigh of relief. He had been prepared for all sorts of things, but if Bucky had hurt Natasha …

This time she was the one who squeezed Steve’s hand. “I promise,” she said. “I just … I see him, and he reminds me …”

She didn’t finish. Instead she bit her lip and looked away. Something else jumped into Steve’s mind. The Quinjet ride on the way to Clint’s farm after Wanda had attacked them. Natasha, pale and shaking in Clint’s arms.

“Wanda showed you your past that day, didn’t she?” Steve whispered. It was suddenly making sense. “And you can’t stop thinking about it. And then Bucky shows up …”

Bucky, who was traumatized and scared and trying to find himself again after years and years of torture and brainwashing. Bucky, whose history was so different than hers in so many ways, but yet whose experience was probably also hauntingly familiar.

“He’s lucky he has you,” Natasha said softly. What she didn’t say hung in the air. _I wish I’d had that_.

She’d had Clint, Steve knew that, but he also knew it wasn’t the same. Clint hadn’t known her before. But had anyone? Did she even remember before? He suspected that she didn’t.

“Maybe you should talk to him. Bucky.”

The shake of her head was immediate. “Oh, no,” she said. “I don’t think that’d be a good idea.”

“I think it could be a really good idea,” Steve pressed. “You probably know closer than anyone else what he’s going through. Maybe it would help.”

Another head shake. “I can’t.”

Steve squeezed her hand again. He wanted to help both his friends, but he knew he couldn’t push her. Instead all he said was, “Whatever they did to you, Natasha … whatever they trained you to be … you became the strongest, most amazing person I’ve ever met despite that.” He leaned over then, and pressed his lips tenderly to her forehead. “I hope someday you can see that, too.” 

He squeezed her hand one last time and got to his feet. He left her sitting on the edge of the roof. The conversation hadn’t exactly gone how he’d wished it had, but at least he understood the problem better now. He just wished there was something more he could do to help. To help both Natasha and Bucky.

•••

Two weeks after their conversation on the roof, it was Natasha who stopped Steve on the way out after training. 

“I’ll do it,” she said. “I’ll talk to him.”

He stared at her, her words taking longer than normal to sink in. “You don’t have to,” he finally managed. Bucky was getting better by the day. Little by little by little, pieces of the man Steve remembered from decades ago were beginning to resurface. Bucky still had a lot of trauma to work through, but Steve didn’t want Natasha to have to see that if she wasn’t ready.

“No,” she said. “I want to. I think maybe I need to face my past too.” She smiled sadly. “I’ve been running from it for so long, but it just keeps chasing after me.”

“You know, if you ever want to talk about it …”

“No,” she said quickly. “I can’t do that. But maybe I can help Bucky.” She shrugged. “I have a lot of red in my ledger. Maybe this will help wipe some of it away.”

Steve and Sam went with her to see him. They stood at the far edge of the room as she walked toward Bucky, murmuring something to him so quietly Steve couldn’t pick it up even with his enhanced hearing, and then sat down next to him.

“You know,” Sam said a couple minutes later. Natasha had reached over to squeeze Bucky’s hand and he was staring at her like she was a present that had just fallen into his lap. “Those two would make a really cute couple.”

Steve frowned at him and then laughed softly. “Our two formerly brainwashed deadly assassins?”

“Yup,” Sam said. He grinned wider. “Don’t you think?”

Steve turned back to his two friends. “Maybe someday,” he said. For now, he just hoped they could heal each other. He thought maybe they could.


End file.
